Permission to Thrive
by Ginny Washburne
“How do you stay grounded when the ground itself is moving?” – Esther Perel

I

am a huge fan of new beginnings, so it may come as no surprise that January is my favorite month. It also happens to be my birth month, which gives my annual New Year’s ritual even more meaning as I celebrate another trip around the sun. In the first few days of each new year, I step away from the noise of life to reflect on the past. My intention is to uncover and internalize life lessons, count my blessings, let go of what I need to release, and identify opportunities for growth. This practice allows me to make sure I am not carrying unnecessary baggage into the new year, and it fosters a sense of hope and excitement as I define my goals. I’ve practiced this ritual for nearly a decade, and there is a consistent theme woven through the fabric of each year.

woman jumping over letters on mountain spelling the word can't
Change
Although change is inevitable, experience reminds me that growth is optional. Change can make me bitter instead of better, especially when I’m facing unwanted or unexpected change. The process of change is messy and uncomfortable, and when fear is driving the bus it’s easier to complain, criticize, or shut down and avoid the work. It’s hard enough to change beliefs and behaviors I actually WANT to change.

As a health coach, I am fascinated by human behavior, and I’ve seen many people (myself included) struggle to close what I call the “gap”: the space between where we are and where we want to be. We often have the information or knowledge we need, but research shows that common sense does not automatically become common practice. For example, if I decide I want to better manage my stress and spend some time researching strategies to come up with a plan of action, I now know what I need to do. Unfortunately, knowing what I need to do doesn’t always guarantee I’ll take the necessary steps. This knowing/doing gap, which Dr. Laurie Santos calls the “G.I. Joe Fallacy,” proves that “merely knowing something is not enough to put it into practice or change your behavior.” This certainly explains why the majority of New Year’s resolutions are abandoned by February. Thankfully, we can look to the science of positive psychology, neuroscience, and behavioral psychology to shed light on research-backed practices that empower individuals to thrive, even in the midst of change.

Although change is inevitable, experience reminds me that growth is optional. Change can make me bitter instead of better, especially when I’m facing unwanted or unexpected change. The process of change is messy and uncomfortable, and when fear is driving the bus it’s easier to complain, criticize, or shut down and avoid the work.
When working with clients, I use the analogy of life as a “wheel of wellness.” In order to drive a car or ride a bike, you need round and inflated wheels, and when one area of a wheel has a flat, it impacts the quality of your ride. When we have a “flat” in one area of our life (work, family, nutrition, finances, physical health, friendships, spirituality, etc.), it impacts the overall ride, and although we may try to compartmentalize, inevitably our ability to be our best and do our best is compromised. When it comes to our daily experiences and emotions, they don’t stay put. What happens at work sneaks into our home, and vice versa. If we want to thrive, we need to stop and fix the flat.
Accept, then Act
When it comes to leadership, I’m humbled by the reminder that I can’t lead anyone above or beyond the level I lead myself. I place a tremendous value on personal growth, and I want to uncover my limiting beliefs and identify blind spots that get in the way. Although it doesn’t always come easily, I believe acceptance is a catalyst for growth. In the words of psychologist Carl Rogers, “The curious paradox is that the more I accept myself, the more I can change.” This also applies to our daily experiences. We waste precious time and energy when we resist the reality of a situation. My mantra when I feel resistance begin to bubble up is “accept, then act,” especially when facing a change I did not choose or do not want. This works for big changes such as company re-organization as well as small changes such as learning a new software program. Frustration and rumination are my red flags, and when I notice these triggers are present I simply take a breath, step back from the situation, and accept what is. This mindset shift from resistance to acceptance fuels my sense of agency, ignites curiosity, and inspires innovative problem solving. I allow myself to work with the situation instead of wishing it were different. I also begin to ask empowering questions, such as, “What can I learn and how can I grow through this experience?”
If acceptance is the first step toward growth, belief in our ability to change is a close second.
If acceptance is the first step toward growth, belief in our ability to change is a close second.
Can’t Never Did Anything
Growing up, my dad had a saying: “Can’t never did anything.” Anytime I would complain that I couldn’t do something, which really meant I don’t know how/I don’t want to/I’m scared/I don’t think I can, he would smile and reply, “Ginny, Can’t never did anything.”

Although as a teenager I’m certain I rolled my eyes, looking back now I realize this simple statement was his way of helping me cultivate a growth mindset. If acceptance is the first step toward growth, belief in our ability to change is a close second.

Carol Dweck, author of Mindset, says, “In a growth mindset, challenges are exciting rather than threatening. So rather than thinking, oh, I’m going to reveal my weakness, you say, wow, here’s a chance to grow.” The opposite side of the coin is a fixed mindset, with limiting beliefs that can undermine our potential for growth. “I’m bad at math.” “I’m horrible with directions.” “I’m always late to appointments.” “I’m impatient.” “I’m not a morning person.” “I’m a people pleaser.” When we hang our hat on these types of identity foreclosure statements, we subconsciously scan our lives for proof and verification, creating a vicious cycle.

New habits and behaviors require a growth mindset, so these limiting beliefs need to be pulled out by the roots before they take over the garden of our mind. The brain LOVES to make stuff up when we don’t have all the facts. Inspired by the work of Brené Brown, I make it a regular practice to ask myself, “What’s the story I’m making up in my head about what’s happening?”

Who Are You?
Next time you walk through a door, notice the size of the hinges. These tiny hinges allow us to open and close a large door with minimal effort. The same is true when it comes to our everyday habits, as small habits have a big impact on how we move energetically through the day. James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, suggests forming identity-based habits. He argues that “behavior that is incongruent with the self will not last.”

When working with clients, I encourage them to identify their top two core values, then take a look at their weekly habits and routines to see if there is alignment between what they say they value and how they spend their time. One of my two core values is kindness. If I believe I’m a kind person, I’ll be able to foster habits of kindness that stick, and I’m more likely to ask myself questions in the midst of change such as, “What would a kind person do in this situation?” Core values serve as an anchor we can depend on to help navigate the uncertainty and instability that comes with change. There are two helpful habit-forming practices Clear outlines in his book that I use when I want to foster new behaviors: habit stacking and temptation bundling. One of my personal temptation bundles involves listening to Brené Brown’s Dare To Lead podcast while folding laundry or cleaning the house.

Making a list of people, places, and things that nourish your soul is a wonderful way to intentionally identify and develop new habits that support the very best version of the person you desire to become.
Checking IN or Checking OUT?
We all have a wide variety of daily habits. Some elevate our ability to show up authentically and lean into change, while others can cause us to stumble. When it comes to the actual behavior, it’s the intention behind it that matters most. WHY am I choosing this habit? There’s an easy litmus test I use to identify the why behind my habits: Am I trying to nourish or numb? When I check IN with myself, acknowledge my energy level, emotional state, and beliefs, I’m more likely to turn to habits that nourish my soul: asking questions, calling a friend, doing breathwork or yoga, going for a walk, journaling. However, when I choose to check out, it’s a slippery slope as I unconsciously turn to habits that numb: mindlessly watching TV, scrolling social media, comfort food, online shopping.

Making a list of people, places, and things that nourish your soul is a wonderful way to intentionally identify and develop new habits that support the very best version of the person you desire to become. Change will continue to show up at our front door, and although it’s sometimes an uninvited guest, we get to choose how we answer. As we begin this new year, ask yourself what you value and what makes you come alive, foster new habits that support your vision, and give yourself permission to THRIVE.

Ginny Washburne headshot
Ginny Washburne is the founder of She Thrives, LLC. She holds a master’s degree in education, and spent more than 10 years in education in the classroom as well as with SMART Technologies and Discovery Education. She is a certified health coach and yoga, pilates, and meditation instructor. Washburne enjoys working with individuals, small groups, and organizations both in person and virtually to create innovative and engaging wellness and personal growth experiences. She recently published her first children’s book, The Two-Dollar Difference, available through Covenant Books, which focuses on the impact of small acts of kindness. She resides in the Atlanta area with her husband and three sons.

Ginny Washburne is the founder of She Thrives, LLC. She holds a master’s degree in education, and spent more than 10 years in education in the classroom as well as with SMART Technologies and Discovery Education. She is a certified health coach and yoga, pilates, and meditation instructor. Washburne enjoys working with individuals, small groups, and organizations both in person and virtually to create innovative and engaging wellness and personal growth experiences. She recently published her first children’s book, The Two-Dollar Difference, available through Covenant Books, which focuses on the impact of small acts of kindness. She resides in the Atlanta area with her husband and three sons.