learned one of my most important life lessons on a day that scared me half to death. I was learning to surf on a beautiful day, but the San Diego swell was way above my novice ability. I went for a wave I should not have attempted. The wipeout was brutal and the wave so powerful that it pushed me head-first all the way to the ocean floor, slamming my neck against the sand.

Seconds earlier, I had been in the lineup in deep water. I couldn’t understand how I had so quickly torpedoed all the way to the ocean floor. I tried to surface, and just as I saw daylight and thought I would catch my breath, another wave came crashing on my head, sending me under and unable to breathe. I was trapped in the ocean’s washing machine of chaos, scared and wondering if this was how surfers drowned. I was tumbling in all directions, spinning helplessly in the dark with no idea which end was up or how to get there. I didn’t know where my surfboard was or if it would smack me on the head, how much longer I could go without breathing, or if I’d ever be able to breathe again.

I’ll never forget how I finally got out of that wipeout. I remembered the advice an experienced surfer once told me, advice I thought I’d never need: “If you panic in a wipeout, you lose oxygen, and that’s how surfers drown.” So, I relaxed and waited for what seemed like an eternity for the whitewash chaos to subside before easily floating back to the top. What had been so frightening seconds before ended up being so simple to get out of when I finally relaxed and let things take care of themselves.

When I surfaced, I had an epiphany. “It’s just like stress in life,” I thought as I paddled back out to the lineup to try again. It was a life-changing moment for me. I had always been one to get sucked into chaos, drama and stress. If someone tried to embroil me in it, I’d try so hard to get out of it that it would only push me in deeper, just like that terrifying wave. As my head surfaced and I was able to breathe that day, I realized it was a valuable life lesson.

When we undergo stress in life or work, it feels like we’re drowning. We don’t know which way is up, and it becomes all-consuming. Many times, all we have to do is ignore those stressful, chaotic moments, and they’ll be diffused into non-issues. Sitting in the lineup after that wipeout, I thought about the times I’ve received what would have been an upsetting personal message but I didn’t see it because I was unavailable, and by the time I was free and able to check messages, the fire was already put out. My participation was unnecessary. The drama and chaos were gone, just like the whitewash of the wave that had kept me from breathing. All I had to do in those unpleasant and stressful life moments was relax and do nothing. Just trust myself through the chaos and wait to resurface.

A non-surfing friend of mine was in career and life chaos and needed to hear this lesson. She called me so stressed out that I made her hop in the car with me and make the 50-minute drive from Houston to Galveston, Texas. There’s a phenomenon called “blue space,” the presence of natural bodies of water which studies show relax us and make us happier. I knew she needed it immediately, and I’m always up for being near the ocean.

Recently learning to surf at age 50 has taught me to live in the moment and truly be present. It’s not lost on me how surfing mimics our everyday struggles and triumphs in so many ways, offering life and career lessons to those who pay attention. My favorite of all was the lesson I learned from that wipeout, and I’ve called on it many times since then to help me through stressful moments and eliminate chaos from my life. My friend isn’t a surfer, but I knew this was a moment in which she would benefit from that lesson.

I told her that life, like the ocean, is always changing and we have no control over it. We can only control ourselves. When I’m surfing, what’s constant is my reaction to the ocean. As I’m sitting on my surfboard waiting for waves, I don’t have control over what the ocean is doing. The turbulence of wiping out is incredibly scary, and initially it would terrify me, just like a stressful life event such as a job loss, big move or divorce.

The thoughts that used to go through my mind when a wave sucked me under took up so much of my energy and created more fear and stress. After I learned to trust myself and relax in the ocean’s washing machine, I started rising to the surface faster, and wipeouts no longer fazed or scared me. I still wipe out, but how I handle the situation makes all the difference.

I suggested to my friend that she take a step back from her problems, do nothing at all but relax and trust that the stress and chaos would pass over and it would all work out in the end. I told her that when she can trust herself to be the constant in the midst of the turbulence happening in her life and world, she’ll react better and eliminate the chaos.

There’s always going to be chaos, and we’ll always have problems. We can’t help that. It’s our reaction to it that we can control. That’s the biggest lesson I’ve taken away from surfing, that in a wipeout, like a wipeout in life, it’s how we handle it and the effect we let it have on us.

My friend and I walked and talked for over an hour, and I could feel her stress melting away. I wasn’t sure if it was the blue space or my analogy until she turned to me with a huge grin. I had recently started a YouTube channel of inspirational videos called “Live Inspired.” As our eyes met, she said, “I feel like you just had a ‘Hey, y’all’ moment,” referring to the opening greeting of my videos. “This was really helpful, and I think you need to record it to help others,” she said. And so I did.