n interesting thing happens when I ask leaders if they are inclusive. With rare exception, there is an automatic response in the affirmative. Some even take offense that I would question such a thing. Yet when I follow up with another question, asking them what they do to be intentionally and deliberately inclusive, well, things kind of fall apart. The most common response that I receive is some version of “I don’t discriminate or judge others,” a fantastic aspiration that falls far short of inclusion.

This helps to explain the painfully persistent and jarring drop-off between what we say about inclusion and the realities of where we work, live and play.

There are a great many misperceptions about inclusion, but one of the most troublesome is the idea that you are inclusive simply because you are a certain kind of person with certain kinds of intentions.

Properly understood, inclusion is not a state of mind or an intellectual endeavor. It is also not someone else’s job. The experiential outcome of being included is produced by an active practice (to include), which is the opportunity that belongs to each of us.

When I think about the behaviors, competencies and commitments that comprise this practice, they sort into four primary bundles:

1. Authenticity & Awareness (Self)
2. Diversity (Others)
3. Inclusion (Team)
4. Leadership (Setting an Example)

Within each of these bundles, there are opportunities for all of us to make some commitments toward producing more inclusive places, spaces, exchanges and experiences.

Inclusive leaders know who they are and act accordingly. Before we so fantastically complicate things by getting other human beings involved, do you know who you are? Have you reflected on your own identity and the role it plays in your life? Which aspects of your identity are you comfortable sharing with others, and which aspects make you uncomfortable? Why? Do you have real clarity on your core values, your guiding principles, your beliefs about humans? If so, how do you hold your decisions and your behaviors accountable to those values and beliefs? Leadership involves other people, but if you are going to have some understanding of other people you need to start by understanding yourself.

Inclusive leaders also have their own personal narrative about why inclusion matters, aside from the formal business case. What does inclusion mean to you? What have you done to study and reflect on the topic? What has your life experience taught you, and what have the life experiences of others taught you? What is your personal story, and how is it connected to who you are? As a leader, what do you do to share your story with others in the organization?

Inclusive leaders recognize their own limitations. As a human being your staggering capacities for perception and cognition are, in fact, limited. Best intentions aside, bias is a very basic and relentless fact of human life. As a leader, what are you doing to educate yourself, your peers and the larger organization on bias? Beyond that, what are you doing to reduce the impact of bias in your life, in your decision-making and interactions, and in the systems and processes of your organization?

Inclusive leaders have a positive orientation toward difference, recognizing it as a source of value rather than an obstacle or barrier, something to be fixed or tolerated. What have you done to educate yourself on difference and to expose yourself to more difference? What do you do to bring more diversity into your relationship networks? How do you educate yourself on inclusive and non-discriminatory language?

Inclusive leaders exhibit intellectual humility. They are aware that some of their ideas and beliefs are incorrect, poorly informed or the product of a narrow perspective. What do you do to invite and reward dissenting opinions? What do you do to invite and reward feedback from those who are different from you? Leaders also exhibit ontological humility, aware that the way they are experiencing the workplace is not the same as how others are experiencing the workplace. What do you do to better understand the experiences of others?

Inclusive leaders are comfortable and confident in conversations about difference and seek to learn from those with different identities and experiences. What do you do to increase your comfort level with talking about difference?

Inclusive leaders empower individuals and leverage the thinking of diverse groups. Inclusive leaders understand that for collaboration to be successful, individuals must first be willing to share their diverse perspectives. What do you do to make sure everyone on your team feels welcome? What steps do you take to ensure there is no in-group or out-group within your team? What do you do to model, promote and reward healthy disagreement?

Inclusive leaders understand that people are most collaborative when they feel safe to contribute without fear of embarrassment or punishment. They focus on building psychological safety within the group and establishing guiding principles. What practices or agreements do you use to increase the psychological safety of your team? What do you do to promote and reward truth-telling on your team?

Inclusive leaders are committed to diversity and inclusion (D&I) because these objectives align with their personal values and because they believe in the business case for inclusion. How will you take responsibility for D&I outcomes? What will you do to confront entrenched attitudes about D&I in your organization?

Inclusive leaders make clear and specific commitments regarding their own actions and behaviors and hold themselves accountable. What are your specific commitments and how will you share them? Leaders also hold others accountable for shared values and the organizational commitment to D&I. What will be your expectations for your direct reports, and how will they be held accountable? What will you do to hold others accountable for non-inclusive behaviors

If you feel the urge to proclaim that you are an inclusive leader or that you work for an inclusive organization, pause. Reflect on what it means to you and why, and identify specific behavioral commitments you are willing to make.

Saying that you are fit does not make you fit. Wanting to be fit does not make you fit. Understanding the value proposition related to fitness also does not make you fit. To be fit, you have to drag your body out of bed in the morning and go to the gym. Similarly, inclusion is an active practice. What matters most is what you do.

What will you do?