The Boulder Problem

As I watched Alex climb, I could not help but think of his efforts as a metaphor for today’s leadership experience. This may seem like an odd analogy. After all, most of us don’t face life-threatening consequences every time we change position. But two factors make the comparison relevant. First, we all fear different things. A climber may stare down a mountain but be terrified of financial risk, while an entrepreneur may be petrified of heights and yet accepting of walking a financial tightrope. Second, we all experience fear differently. For some the thought of financial loss or public failure might be as foreboding as clinging to the side of a mountain.

n 2006, after 15 years as an investment banker, I needed a change. I was in search of the ever-elusive life with “meaning and purpose.”

A year later, I found myself in Lusaka, Zambia, the first employee on the ground for the young nonprofit World Bicycle Relief. I would help distribute bicycles to healthcare workers who had no form of transportation other than walking.

I had no bicycle experience and no nonprofit experience. I had never lived outside the United States, let alone in Africa. How did I get here?

even years ago, I was uncomfortably stuck making fear‐based decisions, not sleeping, feeling anxious, stressed and unhappy. I was the president and CEO of a professional services firm that was growing and bringing in big revenue numbers. Everything should have been great, but personally, I was struggling.

I was miserable, but I couldn’t imagine living another way. I thought I had no choice but to stay where I was, doing what I had always done. Everyone else was telling me that this was major success, but I kept thinking, is there something more?

I was overwhelmed with too many responsibilities and not enough time for myself and doing the things I loved — vision, strategy, execution, culture and connecting with employees and customers. I felt perpetually behind, wondering how others managed life’s demands. I craved inner peace. I wanted to take the time to balance health, well-being and achievement, but I didn’t know where to start.

o you really know how you come across to others? If you’re anything like me, you have some image in your mind of how people see you. Sometimes, the image is slightly better than the reality. Earlier today, for example, I glanced at a mirror while making a purchase at an electronics store and noticed that I put my hands on the counter in an awkward way. My first thought was, “Do I really do that?” I tend to think of myself as a cool, confident guy!

In other domains, that self-image could be grimmer than reality. For instance, in a recent meeting with my boss, I voiced an opinion and then apologized for coming across as overly critical. She immediately responded, “I didn’t perceive you that way at all!” I suddenly wished I hadn’t put that thought into her head.

We are constantly evaluating how we come across to others, and we are often wrong. Wouldn’t it be powerful to see ourselves as others see us, even just for a few moments? What would we discover about ourselves?

magine your doctor informs you that you are very sick and could die in the next few days. How would you feel if, after consulting dozens of top doctors, every major medical center in the United States confirms that you are 100 percent terminal and that nothing can be done?

Allow yourself to consider this situation. Looking at your life, would you have any regrets? Have you lived a meaningful life that will leave a legacy for a better world? Have you improved the human condition, decreased suffering, or simply spread more love and positive energy than negativity, fear and pain? Have you given more than you have taken?

These are profound questions, ones which would facilitate a much better existence for all of us if we were to ask them of ourselves from time to time, before we are inevitably faced with our own mortality.

he Value of Outsiders

I knew going in as the head of a United States Air Force (USAF) supply chain organization that I needed to calibrate my leadership style to the team, simultaneously giving them an opportunity to do the same. It took a conscious effort to ease into familiarity as I worked to understand the organization, its people and culture. It wasn’t long before I heard that many saw me as too young, too energetic and unqualified to lead the team because I lacked supply experience. While true by varying degrees, there was also a complex and powerful dynamic between the team’s informal leaders based on diverse age, experience and qualifications, which couldn’t be ignored or overlooked. To be fair, they were regarded by the greater USAF logistics community as experts and collectively represented more than 140 years of military supply chain experience.

magine yourself sitting in the audience at the University of Alaska Anchorage (UAA) Fall Commencement ceremony of 2018. Five hundred students have finished their hard work and are getting their degrees, ready to start a new chapter of their lives. Every one of them has their own unique story to tell.

On the stage sits a student who has been selected to give an inspiring speech to the audience about their future. She looks like every other student, excited, robed in black with a cap on her head, the tassel waiting to move over to the other side. Like so many others, she started this journey unsure what she wanted to do, unsure what her destiny would be after college. She had considered many choices and had made many decisions during her four years of college, learning new things, earning excellent grades and finding her role on campus.

When it is her turn to give her speech of inspiration, she steps up to the podium.

n interesting thing happens when I ask leaders if they are inclusive. With rare exception, there is an automatic response in the affirmative. Some even take offense that I would question such a thing. Yet when I follow up with another question, asking them what they do to be intentionally and deliberately inclusive, well, things kind of fall apart. The most common response that I receive is some version of “I don’t discriminate or judge others,” a fantastic aspiration that falls far short of inclusion.

This helps to explain the painfully persistent and jarring drop-off between what we say about inclusion and the realities of where we work, live and play.

There are a great many misperceptions about inclusion, but one of the most troublesome is the idea that you are inclusive simply because you are a certain kind of person with certain kinds of intentions.

ave you ever gotten to the top of the ladder or the end of the finish line and felt confused and lost rather than full and accomplished? Over and over for me, every time I reached a goal, I was left with the feeling, “Is this it?” With each accomplishment, the yearning for something more only became more pronounced. This awareness created a desire to make a shift. I dove into reading biographies, self-help and spiritual books with a tenacity that surprised even me. During my research, I read some cutting-edge science on gratitude and its spiritual component. This theme was present in many of these books and was the catalyst for me in starting my own gratitude practice.

Fast forward 15 years and I have a deep and faithful gratitude practice that has enabled me to find happiness in all the moments in between along the journey. Inside this practice I have explored new and exciting lands within myself. The wonder and curiosity cultivated from my practice have led me to understand my purpose in this life: to create safe spaces for souls to show up. Once I had this awareness, I started to align all that I do with this purpose. As a result, I have been able to live my life with much more commitment, clarity, grace and love, which translates into how I lead and guide executives in my work. We start each partnership with the establishment of a gratitude practice, and I have published the Trybal Gratitude Journal to support participants in their journey.