Finding Gratitude in Unusual Spaces

We did not know what the future would bring, but we had an idea that it would likely be the hardest thing we would ever do as a couple. She and I would ultimately face a new and unknown journey filled with pain, sadness, sickness, suffering, and at times despair.

by Mark Pooley

I

’m sitting upright in my chair, looking through a window at a large Ficus tree. I sit for hours with little to no movement. My muscles are always fatigued because my back is broken. I don’t cry, for if I even breathe or exhale with emotion my back will seize. This progression of pain lasted for approximately two months. I pondered: Is this it, is this my new life? What did I do to receive these fractures? Confusion and fear had taken hold of my mind, and my thoughts were cluttered with unanswered questions.

On June 1, 2018, sitting in a wheelchair next to my wife, we looked at the doctor with anticipation for a diagnosis. The doctor was calm and professional when he spoke and said, “You have multiple myeloma, a blood cancer.” I remember looking at my wife’s face filled with concern. We sat in silence for a period of time and then I immediately began asking the doctor, What is the plan? What do I need to do? The doctor explained that the cancer was eating up the bone marrow in my back, which had caused my back to break in many places.

With this explanation, I felt oddly liberated and blessed to finally know why my back was broken. My wife and I continued to listen to the doctor explain what the next steps would be. We did not know what the future would bring, but we had an idea that it would likely be the hardest thing we would ever do as a couple. She and I would ultimately face a new and unknown journey filled with pain, sadness, sickness, suffering, and at times despair. If I could go back in time and give myself words of encouragement, I would say, “Mark, be grateful for what you have, trust in the Creator and his goodness, and have the courage to press forward despite what is placed before you.”

Finding Gratitude in Unusual Spaces

We did not know what the future would bring, but we had an idea that it would likely be the hardest thing we would ever do as a couple. She and I would ultimately face a new and unknown journey filled with pain, sadness, sickness, suffering, and at times despair.

by Mark Pooley
I

’m sitting upright in my chair, looking through a window at a large ficus tree. I sit for hours with little to no movement. My muscles are always fatigued because my back is broken. I don’t cry, for if I even breathe or exhale with emotion my back will seize. This progression of pain lasted for approximately two months. I pondered: Is this it, is this my new life? What did I do to receive these fractures? Confusion and fear had taken hold of my mind, and my thoughts were cluttered with unanswered questions.

On June 1, 2018, sitting in a wheelchair next to my wife, we looked at the doctor with anticipation for a diagnosis. The doctor was calm and professional when he spoke and said, “You have multiple myeloma, a blood cancer.” I remember looking at my wife’s face filled with concern. We sat in silence for a period of time and then I immediately began asking the doctor, What is the plan? What do I need to do? The doctor explained that the cancer was eating up the bone marrow in my back, which had caused my back to break in many places.

With this explanation, I felt oddly liberated and blessed to finally know why my back was broken. My wife and I continued to listen to the doctor explain what the next steps would be. We did not know what the future would bring, but we had an idea that it would likely be the hardest thing we would ever do as a couple. She and I would ultimately face a new and unknown journey filled with pain, sadness, sickness, suffering, and at times despair. If I could go back in time and give myself words of encouragement, I would say, “Mark, be grateful for what you have, trust in the Creator and his goodness, and have the courage to press forward despite what is placed before you.”

That same day, my wife called our three children into the living room. They knew by the look on our faces that we had some bad news to share. They had already been traumatized by the preceding months of seeing their father in so much pain. I told them the truth and told them what little we knew at the time. I remember my son asking if I was going to die from this cancer. I told him no, but I honestly didn’t know. I guess this is what fathers do when they want to give hope to their children. Many tears were shed. It was like a cleansing for all of us.
An Enlightenment
I recall telling my children that I was grateful that I had cancer and not them. They seemed confused by this statement. I reminded my daughter of the time she had spent nearly a month in the hospital due to an infection after a major back surgery. I shared with her that there had been many nights in the hospital when I had pleaded in prayer to the Creator, asking to give me her pain because she was so young, and I could not bear seeing her suffer so much. In my heart I knew that this was not possible, but in that moment, I wished I could take it. I used this experience of my daughter’s suffering as a reference point when my own pain and suffering was so great. In my weakest moments, I would thank my Creator for giving me the cancer and not my wife or my children. When you want to give up, just think of those who love you.

This mindset did not happen overnight. In fact, it still required a lot of pain and suffering on my part to understand who I really was. This new way of thinking was built on a foundation of gratitude. If you learn gratitude from your experiences, you will obtain understanding of what is most important. This understanding gave me the courage to act and do something greater than myself.

As a Native American (Navajo/Hopi) we believe in the Creator and his goodness. We often pray and ask for strength and guidance. This is what my ancestors did to get through hard and difficult times themselves. This is who I am and how I was raised. I believe our ancestors are continually watching over us and giving us encouragement to press forward with strength and courage!

Before my cancer, I believed I was doing everything right in my life, and I was. My profession as a police sergeant had given me purpose, and I loved to serve and protect my community. This sense of duty gave me confidence that what I was doing in my life was good and complete. However, because of my deteriorating health, my career in law enforcement unfortunately had to end. While this was hard and unexpected, it helped me reprioritize what was most important and prepared me for a new chapter in my professional career and a new mission in my life. I did not know what that would be, but I knew it had to be something of importance and great urgency.

Stepping Forward
About a year into my treatments and after learning how to walk again, I began to travel throughout Indian country meeting many Native families with missing relatives. These families would share their heartbreaking stories with me and plead for my help in finding their loved ones. Statistically, Native people are going missing both on and off the reservation at a disproportionate rate. A campaign known as Missing and Murdered Indigenous People (MMIP) has generated much attention concerning the issue. However, as I met and spoke with the families of the missing, something stirred inside of me and I knew I had to act. I had no idea that this conviction would eventually evolve into something more tangible.

As a detective I learned that using technology in investigations is pivotal in helping people find their loved ones; however, there were no investigative resources in the Indigenous communities. In 2021, I started my own non-profit organization with the intent to search for missing people using technology. I believe resources and technology are key in solving long-term missing person cases. I used my own knowledge and experience as a police detective to bring more resources to Indigenous communities and provide resolution for the families of the missing. While running my non-profit, I was also given the opportunity to work for the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC) as their inaugural Tribal Fellow. This position allowed me to help bring free resources from NCMEC to Tribal communities to assist in finding missing children. While I was no longer a police sergeant, I was able to serve my community in a new way that gave me a sense of purpose.

A New Beginning
This year I was hired as the director of investigative support (AI/AN) for the University of North Texas, Center for Human Identification (UNTCHI). The Center uses DNA technology to help identify the remains of missing and unknown people. In my new role I will have the opportunity to bring advanced technology to the MMIP movement. Because of my law enforcement experience and my network in Indian country, I am in a unique position of bridging the gap between law enforcement and the Native communities. You have to be trusted by both groups to make this vision possible, and I approach both groups with respect while inviting everyone to work together towards the common goal of bringing our missing relatives home.

UNTCHI received a Bureau of Justice Assistance grant called the Missing & Unidentified Human Remains award. This is a three-year grant that allows DNA samples to be collected and entered into the COmbined DNA Index System (CODIS) database to assist in identifying unknown remains. This DNA resource is free of charge for Tribal law enforcement and smaller police agencies with missing person cases.

Strength in Numbers
When I started my nonprofit, I had a few volunteers but was doing most of the work by myself, and at times it was hard to carry the weight alone. UNTCHI has given me a strong team to support my efforts in finding missing people in Indian country. I believe in the UNTCHI mission, and this is why I dissolved my own nonprofit to work for them. This work is bigger than myself, so I have surrounded myself with likeminded people and we carry the burden together. You cannot do this work alone. If you think you can do it alone, you will learn in time it is not sustainable.

I am honored to be in this position and part of a great organization that finds missing people. I believe several of our missing loved ones will be identified and brought back home to their families using DNA technology. My personal journey with cancer helped me recognize what was most important in my life and prepared me for this new mission. I am grateful for my cancer, because it led me here.

headshot of Mark Pooley
Mark Pooley is the director of investigative support (AI/AN) for The University of North Texas Health Science Center’s Center for Human Identification. In August of 2020, Pooley retired as a sergeant from the Tempe, AZ Police Department. Pooley, who is Navajo and Hopi, has been a tribal prosecutor for the Salt River Pima-Maricopa Indian Community, where he dealt with criminal and civil issues within the tribal court, and in 2022, Pooley was the inaugural Tribal Fellow for the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children (NCMEC). In 2021, Pooley started a 501c3 nonprofit called Native Search Solutions. The organization’s mission was to find Missing & Murdered Indigenous People (MMIP) on and off the reservations by using technology and other resources. Pooley holds a Master of Education, Counseling-Human Relations with Distinction from Northern Arizona University, and a bachelor of arts in political science from Brigham Young University.

unthsc.edu/center-for-human-identification

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