wrote this down on a piece of paper the other day. I had just experienced a particularly successful shift at the restaurant and driving home felt that glow of wonderment, that all of the many moving parts particular to the restaurant business had coalesced as planned into a solid performance.

When I arrived home, I jotted that line down and thought about the army of people that make a restaurant run. Success doesn’t happen in a vacuum, and I alone cannot take credit for our wins even if I am on the hook for our losses. I have 85 team members who report to me, and every day I challenge myself to make their experience at work equal to or better than the guest experience, so they are motivated to not only survive but thrive in our company.

Several years ago, I was working for a restaurant company in Dallas, and one day I decided to give a basic “If you were the GM of this business…” survey to our crew to gauge the current vibe. Overwhelmingly, the responses fell along the lines of this thread: If I were GM, I would simply walk around the building asking employees what they need to be more successful and thanking them for working hard every day. That’s it. Doesn’t cost anything and gives everything. My crew wasn’t asking for things like raises or perks. They were asking for validation, of their time and of their hard work. Mind blown and paradigm shifted.

My crew wasn’t asking for things like raises or perks. They were asking for validation, of their time and of their hard work.

I realized at that moment that I couldn’t just come in for my shift, do work and go home. My team needed to understand the why’s of what we were asking them to do on a daily basis and, most importantly, I needed to demonstrate the benefits for each individual as well as the group. Author Eric Chester speaks of this phenomenon in his book, Employing Generation Why? It isn’t enough to say, “we are paying you to perform a job.” Nope. They could do that anywhere. My crew was giving me the priceless gift of feedback. Had I nurtured a less connected relationship with my team, it would have been very easy for them to just say, “No, Dave, all is good, thanks for asking,” while at the same time planning their exit from our business for better opportunities. What I did with that feedback was now up to me.

Not long after, I was promoted to GM at that same business. One day, I was called to the main office and was told by my boss that team members were coming to him instead of me for things I usually provided to the crew: advice, venting sessions, communication about the company, etc.

“What?! That’s crazy! I’m in the building more now than ever! Why would they be doing that?”

My leader just sat there and smiled. Finally, when I was done ranting in an attempt to stick up for myself, he said I needed to slow down and remember why I was there: to help support why they were there. The crazy thing is, I used to be the go-to guy, the one everyone loved to work with and would approach first for what they needed, which is why I was promoted in the first place. But once I took on a bigger position with more responsibilities, it was head down, racing through the building, with no time for anyone else. For the first time in my restaurant career, I realized that much like a head coach, the team was looking to me to lead and not simply manage, to come in everyday and show by example the energy and the soul and the culture of our crazy little place. I had forgotten the cardinal rule:

Your People Get You Promoted

Sure, there are lonely moments of leadership. Recent challenges due to the pandemic made it necessary to make some adjustments to our labor and staffing plans. I had to sit down with several of my hard-working crew and tell them that hours were being cut and positions eliminated. These conversations are always difficult, especially right before the holidays, but the decisions were necessary to the survival of our business.

For the first time in my restaurant career, I realized that much like a head coach, the team was looking to me to lead and not simply manage…

There are also the moments when you wish you had been a better leader to your people, or even to one person. You second-guess. You doubt. And sometimes you get it wrong. I once worked for another company that hosted an “Olympics” of sorts. All of the Western U.S. locations of the brand sent teams to Las Vegas for a three-day extravaganza of soccer, flag football, basketball, bartender competitions and more.

Day two found our team matched up for a basketball game against the crew from another one of the California locations. Early on it was fairly competitive; our team hung on with some lucky baskets and some unlucky shots from our challengers. Soon, though, we began to fall behind and needed something to get us going. I remember one play vividly. I was passed the ball by one of my teammates and was about 20 feet from the rim. Another teammate, Erin, was right under the basket and had the best chance at the highest-percentage shot.

I saw her, and she locked eyes with me.

“David!” is what I heard. She was ready.

But instead, I took the shot, and missed.

I looked at Erin, and what I remember most is the look on her face: total betrayal, as if to say, “You knew I was here. And you knew I could have made the shot. But because I’m a woman, or because I’m young, or because you’re the boss, or whatever lame reason you had, you didn’t trust me to do so.”

The game soon ended, and we lost.

I had let my team down. I vowed never again to let that happen. I would challenge others to take on tasks that maybe they weren’t ready for, but I would let them decide that for themselves. I would never again judge someone based on their age, their sex, their lack of experience. I would instead lead in a style that was inclusive of their talents and yet would stretch their thinking toward greater heights. If as a leader you try to do everything yourself, things will get missed, growth will not happen, and results will not be maximized. Dr. Stephen Brown of The Brown Collective once remarked, “You are not a leader until you have produced a leader who can produce another leader.” I try to embody these words through action every day.

Now More Than Ever

The COVID-19 pandemic is challenging people like never before, at all levels of life, within our families, communities and businesses. Everyone is looking to one another for answers, for direction, for safety. As leaders, now is the time to embrace this once-in-a-generation opportunity to take that good hard look in the mirror and ask: Are we doing everything we can for our people?

If we’re “doing it right,” the answer shouldn’t surprise us.