Earning Resilience

by Woodrie Burich

esilience is something we earn. Sometimes we earn it through hard work and intense efforts. Other times, we earn it through surrender and the release of something that is no longer supportive personally or to our organization. Yet the one truth that cannot be escaped is this: To cultivate resilience, you must have challenge as well as the ability to learn fortitude. They go hand in hand.

As an entrepreneur, parent and executive coach, I’ve been studying resilience in leadership for several years. I’ve discovered all sorts of tools, techniques and approaches for building resilience, and the one constant is this: Connection is the root of all resilience. Connection gives us the ability to see and experience the reality of our moment. Perhaps most importantly, connection provides access to what is already good within us and our environment despite the difficulty at hand. Access to connection is our fuel for action. Connection provides us the courage and energy to face our challenges.

Staunch Acceptance

In their book Resilience: It’s Not About Bouncing Back, Jennifer Eggers and Cynthia Barlow state that resilience demands leaders have a level of “staunch acceptance.” This applies to the challenge piece, and it’s a vital step. There must be a depth of acceptance of whatever difficulty is arising before we are able to address it. We must be willing to see, study and understand the reality of our situation in order to begin the process of changing or adapting.

During times of stress, taking time to slow down and analyze the situation is one of the most beneficial steps we can take because it builds the ability to develop staunch acceptance. It can feel counterintuitive to slow down when we face our most difficult times. In fact, there can be intense pressure, from ourselves and those around us, to take immediate and fast action. And yet action alone is not what we are striving for as leaders. We are seeking something much deeper: informed action. By taking time to step back and reflect on the issue, even briefly, we hone our assessment skills and cultivate our willingness to accept reality.

I’m continuously surprised by the amount of effort needed for me to slow down in my most challenging moments. I’m also amazed at the power and creative problem-solving skills that arise from creating that time and space. It’s always valuable. Taking time to pause and analyze helps ensure the strongest solutions are deployed.

Connection

Connection has an underlying tone or feeling of goodwill, a subtle and genuine sense of goodness. Connection, the ability to access that which is good even in the face of difficulties, is a skill that great leaders cultivate. They inherently know that connection gives rise to courage, a key component to resilience. Courage is the energy needed to build resilience; it’s what keeps us going. Connection naturally gives rise to courage, because when we connect deeply enough to ourselves and those around us, we remember the reason for the fight. When we access courage through connection, we find our inner reserves and muster the stamina to keep going. This is the essence of resilience.

Power

When it comes to leadership, there is a lot of emphasis on excellence and the drive needed to succeed. Surrender and release, the depth of acceptance and insight that arises in a moment of pain, are seen as the opposite of drive and therefore often missed. The unraveling of habits that we have outgrown or that no longer serve us are also critical to the process. Our initial resistance to our reality is what often causes the real difficulties. Yet in the midst of that resistance, there is power. For resistance, when it gives way to acceptance, is the very gateway that leads us to resilience. Whether our moment demands us to push harder or calls us to release and let go, it’s important to acknowledge that both are equally vital to growth. I’ve found that challenge often demands that I don’t change my situation, but rather that I accept and adapt to it. Often our most challenging work is not on the external but the internal, as this ultimately informs all our actions and relationships. Our true power and ability to emerge stronger from challenges arises from this constant interplay between effort and release. Effort is required. Release is required. It’s always both.

3 Steps to Earning Resilience

Come to a deep acceptance of reality.
As expressed by authors Eggers and Barlow, leaders need to develop a “staunch acceptance” of reality. Challenging times tend to push us into the darker aspects of ourselves and/or our environments. See if you can view this as an opportunity to adapt and evolve.

Pause long enough to reflect on and understand the situation.
Give yourself enough time to digest the situation and acknowledge that you are in a phase of growth.

Connect to the good.
Start internally first to connect to your inner strengths.

This is where cultivated practices of self-care and mindfulness become valuable. In times of struggle, our ability to maintain our equanimity and composure is directly related to the depth of connection we have with ourselves. This connection then expands outward to those around us: our team members, our colleagues, and the community at large. Some simple questions that can promote this connection through the practices of gratitude, appreciation and motivation include:

Who inspires you in difficult times? What actions do they take to make it through challenges?
What is something beautiful you have seen today?Has anyone or anything made you smile? Has anything sparked joy?
Why do you work? How is your effort helping others (family/colleagues/community)?

Take informed action.
After we’ve taken time to work through the first two steps, we are in a better place to take formal action. There is a difference between taking informed action and simply reacting. This is why taking the time to walk ourselves through the first two steps can be beneficial in times of duress. Take time to consider all your options and apply all your resources, including internal reserves and external support through your team, organization, partners, and/or vendors. Also, remember that sometimes no action can be appropriate to a situation and may indeed be the best choice.

As we continue to forge new ground and address whatever challenges arise in our families, organizations and communities, I hope we find time to acknowledge our efforts and connect to the good as we grow. I have personally found that the three steps above help to foster resilience. They contain the essence of what has helped me and the people and organizations I’ve worked with to get through difficult times.

Woodrie Burich is a national speaker, executive coach and owner of the Integration Group, a company that empowers professionals to create sustainable and thriving work lives that enable them to enjoy more, stress less and connect with their communities in positive and meaningful ways. Visit her website to sign up for a free Quick Tips for Busy Professionals email.

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